A Change of Format: Practicing What I Preach

As I've reflected on the changes that have taken place and the lessons I have learned in recent months, a huge paradigm shift (how one views the world, one's life and one's self) has taken place.

The first part of the new paradigm is simply this: Be yourself. Having the courage to express your thoughts, ideas, dreams and desires instead of covering them up with a facade is absolutely crucial to life and well-being.

The second part of the paradigm is also simple but also requires courage. It's summarized from some quotes by Bruce Lee, but the core is this: Be like water. Water is alive when it flows; when it cannot flow, it becomes stagnant and deadly. The lessons and changes produced by my new paradigm must be into practice in all relationships in life, and must flow into and through everything I do (even the way I format this blog). There are other parts to the paradigm but these two are foremost at this moment.

Instead of the format being "process-oriented" or "instructional" or "step-by-step", it will henceforth simply be a journal of insights, observations, and new ideas. I do not intend to instruct; instead, I simply want to share.

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves" - Bruce Lee. 

The Ingredients of Personal Change

I've been doing a lot of reading about change, as well as listening to audio teachings on the subject. I've covered ideas from many different teachers on success, change, personal growth and life. So far, I've discovered that they all share some of the same core principles (although they may understand or explain them differently from teacher to teacher). I have begun to incorporate these ideas into my own life, little by little, and so far, I've seen a remarkable difference in my daily performance, relations, and attitude.

Here's what I've learned so far. The following list is numbered but doesn't indicate importance or rank. All of the ideas or principles are essential.

1. Be yourself.
    There truly is no other YOU.

2. Begin With The End In Mind. 
    You must visualize and have a clear idea of what you want to do.

3. Little steps. Daily.
    "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" - Lao Tzu.

4. Be positive in outlook, words and attitude.
    Positive attracts; negative dispels.

5. Believe in yourself.
    Have complete confidence in your thoughts, ideas, intelligence and abilities.

6. Be intentional.
    Don't let things just happen to you; be proactive.

7. Choose your thoughts.
    As a man thinks, so he becomes.

8. Live in the flow of Life.
    Seek change, not control.

9. Change is more about direction than destination.
    Be always growing.

10. Meditate regularly.
      "Unless you are patient and allow the mud to settle, how shall the waters become clear?" -
      Lao Tzu
   

My aim is to develop and expound upon these concepts more in future posts. Just the act of writing these out here has been beneficial in reminding me and causing me to reflect upon all that they mean and imply.

Circles, Tides And Seasons

One thing that I've recently come to embrace and believe fully is that life doesn't move in a linear path. Life isn't sharp right angles, perfect geometric shapes and precise mathematical formulations. Life is moving, breathing, turning, changing...it's alive. And being alive, it's always growing, expanding and maturing. And like all living, growing things, life has a rhythm.

I believe the rhythm of life is circular. There are seasons and tides; there is an ebb and flow. To my understanding, this is life breathing. Musical patterns are circular (and interestingly, sometimes called "movements"); the path of the seasons is circular; the planetary orbits are circular. There is an order to it all; there is structure. But even there we find circles (Ever seen a square tree? An animal with sharp right angles for edges?). The shapes and the seasons are circular.

Okay. What's this have to do with anything? What about day-to-day living?

My tendency in the past has been to view life as a straight line; as a series of events that unfold one after the other. One event or moment happens and then it's gone. While I understand that each present moment swiftly becomes a past moment, never to be repeated, I do not see them as lost opportunities. Why not? Because we learn from all of them. Therefore, while the event or moment itself presents us with opportunities, so also does their passing. After the moment is gone, we are at once presented with new opportunities. Life happens. And because it does, because life moves on, new choices and opportunities arise before us, inviting us into the rhythm and current of life.

At this point in my life, I've come to believe that problems arise when I try to recapture old opportunities instead of anticipating and embracing new ones. Are there regrets? Yes. Are there poor, stupid choices? Sure. Lots of them. But the circles, the seasons, the tides of life still keep perfect rhythm. Moments don't repeat or return again, but seasons and tides do. And with them, all is erased and refreshed. And life continues anew.

Most of my life, I've dealt with fears and mistakes like someone trying to write a complete sentence in the sand on the seashore. I've scratched and scribbled furiously trying to compose a sentence that makes sense, all the while thinking that once it's finished it will be there forever. The waves can never erase it. But whether I finish a few words or a full sentence, the tide and the waves run upon the sand and wash them away. So what do I do? Try again, only this time try to write faster, scribble more feverishly? No. I think I've found a better way.

Stop scratching, stop scribbling. Forget the words. Turn and face the ocean. Stand there on the beach and wait for the tide to rise again, for the waves to return. When they do, they will wash my feet. They invite me into their sway, their rhythm. And this is what circles, seasons, and tides do. They remind us that life's not over, opportunities are still here, and that everything begins again. Life is new every moment.

So now I seek to "go with the flow", to no longer wrestle against circles and seasons; to live without dread or unnecessary regrets. My goal is to embrace life's rhythm and to be grateful for ever-renewing opportunities...

...for seasons, circles, and tides.

The Ongoing Journey of Change

Last year, I began to realize that I desperately needed to change. All of us have heard the old saying which says, "Insanity is doing the same things over and over while expecting different results". It's true. I actually saw that I had been doing that very thing for most of my life. And while there were certain factors that contributed to and reinforced the problem, ultimately I was responsible for my actions and their resulting consequences; I was solely responsible for living in a cycle of self-defeat and ignorance. So, I decided that it was time for change. Real change.

I knew that it wouldn't be easy. "You can't turn a ship around overnight," a wise friend once told me. So I decided that I would make a choice to seek - and to continue seeking - real change. I want to clarify that I didn't use determination or will power in the sense of inner strength and fortitude to effect change. I just decided that I would pursue change, no matter what. It wouldn't matter if I missed it, I would try again. Whether I failed or succeeded, I would continue to pursue and to work on changing, on doing things differently. I decided that I would simply turn around, that I would keep going in a new direction toward change. It hasn't been easy, and I don't view change as a goal to arrive at and then settle down. I see real change as being indefinable and ongoing. The journey to change is a long choice to proceed in the same direction. Whether you stumble, falter, fall or fail, you get up and keep going in that same direction. So, that's what I've done.

One of the first things that I recognized needed to change was my thinking. While most people have seen me as being upbeat and positive, my inner voice was saying something totally different. If one of my sons was about to attempt some precarious stunt on a bicycle, my first thought and response to their enthusiastic fearlessness would be something like, "Be careful. You might get hurt." Usually, my spoken fear was enough to snuff out their little flame of courage and they would back down, daunted by my negativity.

One day, while thinking about a small, non-consequential risk of my own, my thoughts began to point out all of the bad, undesirable things that could possibly result from it. I was about to back down when, out of the blue, I heard a different voice say, "Why do you always think of the bad things that could happen? Why don't you ever think about the good things that could happen?" I was surprised to hear something different and positive, but as I thought about the question, I realized that there was equally as much potential for the good to happen as there was for the bad. And if that were so, then why not risk it, believing in the possibility of success and the possibility of the good. However, this was not a turning point for me, but an important seed was planted. And now that seed has begun to sprout...

Welcome to "Being And Becoming"! A blog and journal of discovering how to live authentically again.

Welcome, friends!

My desire for this blog is simply to capture in written form the words, ideas, philosophies that daily shape my choices toward life - an honest attempt to live authentically and to be real in all things. I also desire that my sons will here find insights into their dad and his heart, as well as guidance and proven wisdom for their own lives. I am not an expert on anything really; I'm just taking notes on the process of discovering and being who I really am, my true undiluted self.

So, here we go!